Reality Bites: Little Lord Flaunt Le is a forgiving soul with a speech defect

Hello, Children. It gives me great joy to introduce you to a modern Indian legend. It really is about time we had a new legend isn’t it, because re-runs of old Indian mythology on television can get a little boring.

‘Little Lord Flaunt Le’ is about a character called, well, Little Lord Flaunt Le. He looks strange because his mummy is a cow, his daddy is a walrus, and his chest is the size of a double-door fridge, but many people worship him, nevertheless. First things first: do not let the title confuse you. Little Lord Flaunt Le is not about a little boy but an old man who thinks just like a 4-yearold. He gets wonderful childlike ideas that will make you gasp and shout “Masterstroke!”

Like the time he played a new game called Demon to make sure no one (apart from himself) had access to their money. This was to make super sure that he had no competition at all when he wanted to buy a big fat state to play his favourite games in. Wouldn’t you like to buy a state for yourself too? Think of all the lovely things you could do in it like, say, arrest all the people who don’t like you, or people whose clothes you don’t like? What fun!

Then there was the time when he ordered a surgical strike in enemy territory. People shouted “Masterstroke” again when a nasty terrorist crow and hundreds of evil terrorist trees were killed. It was much more fun than a computer game because he used real fighter jets! Please ask your daddies to buy real fighter jets for your birthdays too, so you can be like Little Lord Flaunt Le!

Do you like playing ‘Let’s Pretend’ games? Little Lord Flaunt Le loves them! During that surgical strike game, he pretended he was a Hollywood movie-type president in the war room. He proudly went on television to say that it was his brilliant idea to attack during bad weather because he was sure that clouds and rain would prevent enemy radars from detecting his fighter jets. The army generals must have struggled to hide their smiles, because it is not right to laugh at little people with tiny brains, particularly precocious ones like him, and they ruffled his hair lovingly instead. Enjoy your childhood, Children. You can get away with everything, even stupid things!

Do you like fancy clothes and cool gadgets? Little Lord Flaunt Le loves them too! Once, when he wanted to impress a President, he wore a suit with his name printed all over it in gold! When some mean people laughed at his outfit, Little Lord Flaunt Le cried and said it was given to him as a present and an adult forced him to wear it! There’s a lesson for you, Children: please choose your own clothes—some adults have very bad taste! There have been some sad moments in Little Lord Flaunt Le’s life too. Several times, one of his friends (someone he swings on a jhoola with) played nasty tricks on him. Mean people told Little Lord Flaunt Le to return the money this untrustworthy friend had put in his giant piggy bank, but he didn’t listen. He quickly forgave his friend and gave him a bit of land to show that he had no hard feelings. Such a forgiving soul, isn’t he?

Of course, no one is perfect. Not even Little Lord Flaunt Le! He’s a bit spoilt and likes to buy new things for himself all the time like clothes, hats, designer watches and sunglasses, planes and fancy houses. He loves tunnels too because they are the best places to play hide and seek! He’s also pretty lazy and when his mummy forces him to exercise, he lies on big rocks and pretends he’s doing yoga. His mummy knows he’s a liar because once, when he went to Nimmo (a beautiful tourist spot), his jacket buttons almost flew off and hit injured soldiers!

Sadly, he has a minor speech defect too: he cannot say the word “China”, no matter how hard he tries! Someone dared him to recite this poem, but he just couldn’t do it: “Friendship is like china,
Costly, rich and rare.
Once broken can be mended,
But the crack is always there.”

(Any resemblance to real people and events is a coincidence. This is a work of fiction)