Termite Man’s lie factories: Trying every trick in the book

BJP’s ‘lie factories’ are truly wondrous things. With back-to-back protests against CAA-NRC-NPR across India, a 2018 news report has surfaced of Amit Shah (better known internationally as “Termite Man”) giving a pep talk to the party’s lie factories/WhatsApp University teams, and bragging that they had the power to make anything go viral, whether real or fake. And he’s been right until now—the protests have left him stumped.

The Termite Man has tried every trick in General Dyer’s book and more to stop protests on the ground: Section 144 and curfews were imposed, the internet was shut down, police went on Jallianwala Bagh-like rampages, but protesters never stopped showing up. Not even when some were shot, attacked, and arrested. The Termite Man’s lie factories went into overdrive, blaming protestors for police brutality. The usual warped nonsense that WhatsApp aunties and uncles swallow as easily as ‘chyawanprash’.

That didn’t work either. Even worse, the Termite Man got lousy international press reports for police atrocities. He stamped his foot (did you see the BJP HQ shake?), and his lie factories launched Phase II of their assault.

This time they got a terribly shady but terribly famous godman-type to endorse their discriminatory bill. God evidently has no time for him either and his online poll failed. The sad Guru deleted the poll. Other BJP stooges in the media simultaneously ran online polls; those failed too and were hurriedly deleted. And people continued to protest on the streets of India.

Termite Man was so furious, the BJP HQ shook again, (about 6.9 on the Richter scale). A “missed call” campaign was launched in support of CAA which evidently didn’t do well either, so the BJP’s lie factories had an urgent pow wow session for Phase III.

They pondered over what would really turn people on, and the depraved lot arrived at the exact same conclusion: sex! Inspired, they rushed to their laptops, created posts with photographs of young women (knowing how spiteful they are, these women had probably rejected their advances in the past) and used the official BJP pro-CAA “missed call” number as ads for phone sex.

I don’t know how many men were disappointed, but the lie factories were caught out soon enough. And the BJP HQ shook yet again! So now, they have fallen on one of their last resorts: invited Bollywood stars (most of whom have scary income tax cases against them) for dinner to gently arm twist them into promoting CAA. I have no doubt that this spineless lot will start praising CAA on social media soon, but I doubt the protests will stop even then.

So, what’s next: All of India under AFSPA? Frankly, I wouldn’t put anything past them. If the world wasn’t tutting solemnly, Termite Man would have nuked us by now.

But hey, time for a break from the gloom and doom. At least the BJP’s lie factories are having fun creating other fake news. Take Pondicherry’s Lt Governor Kiran Bedi. That the BJP appoints extremely peculiar people as governors is a given. But Kiran Bedi is in a class by herself. In fact, she’s sitting outside the class with a dunce cap on her head.

She recently posted a video with pictures of random stars, followed by the sun which gradually turned into a giant “Om” sign. The video had an “Om” audio track too, and an intriguing message: “NASA recorded Sound of Sun. The Sun Chants Om”.

The voice over chap spoke with an American accent (probably a call centre employee from Bengaluru) and delivered a spiel on Hinduism. This was ‘liked’ by 38.2 tweeple and got 11.6k retweets (till the last time I checked it out for a laugh). Give it a few days: with the BJP’s lie factories on the job, it may well herald a change in the world order.

No, don’t scoff. Let me share an RSS-BJP fantasy with you: not just India, but the entire world will become a Hindu Rashtra because it has now been proved by a fake NASA video that the Sun is Hindu. It’s definitely Brahmin, and a vegetarian too (Jain meals only, mind!).

It’s important things like these that make lie factory employees very happy, so here’s hoping that they continue to take NASA on, and allow us to protest in peace.