Reality Bites: The bird and the bird-brain!

What exactly did the national bird-brain’s photo storm with the national bird tell us? There are several theories

Reality Bites: The bird and the bird-brain!

Rupa Gulab

Last week, social media was flooded with photographs and videos of the national birdbrain doing a peculiar sort of mating activity with the national bird.

Since the national bird-brain is decidedly uncomfortable with people talking about China on and inside our borders, the faltering economy, India’s alarming rise on international Covid-19 charts and other disasters he has unleashed on the nation, let us critically analyse those pictures and videos instead.

What exactly did the national bird-brain’s photo storm with the national bird tell us? There are several theories.

1. My theory: The photographers (apparently there were 74!) were not terribly fond of the national bird-brain. That’s perhaps why they created the picture of an idle village idiot doing his idle village idiot thing: slacking off on a porch and feeding a peacock instead of working to feed his family (erm, that’s us!).

This theory is strengthened by the fact that the photographers sneakily insisted on a casual wind-swept look to expose the bald truth. I cannot un-see that ever. Goodbye vain comb-over!

Also, why were peacocks shown instead of, say, pigeons? Were the photographers trying to show our national bird-brain the mirror, or were they worried that the pigeons may try to build a nest on his head?

2. Several people on Twitter thought that this photo storm was yet another leaf torn out of the Nazi playbook, and demonstrated their belief by sharing photographs of Hitler petting animals: his charming way of showing the world that even mass murderers can be cuddly.

3.The national bird-brain’s PR team has run out of ideas, and now are stealing concepts from videos of other people that have gone viral. A friend pointed out an article in the Hindustan Times on August 2nd that featured a video of a vegetable vendor feeding a peacock that went crazily viral. Oh well, plagiarism is cool in the Sanghiverse, as we well know. Here’s the link to the article and the video in case you wish to watch the national bird-brain’s source of inspiration:

Now over to India’s latest national hero: lawyer Prashant Bhushan who steadfastly refused to apologise to the Supreme Court for criticising it. We watched him stand up not just for himself but for our democracy with moist eyes. This teary moment was followed by helpless giggles as the judge presiding over the case pleaded with him to apologise: “What is wrong in seeking an apology? Is it a sin to apologise? Will that be a reflection of guilt? ‘Apology’ is a magical word which can heal. You will all go to the category of Mahatma Gandhi if you can apologise.”

Bhushan proved that love for democracy means never having to say you’re sorry. So, there you are, ladies and gentlemen: after six miserable and unbearably oppressive years a spine was finally spotted in India. Isn’t it time to pool in and set up a Society for the Conservation of Indian Spines?

Finally, a matter of national shame. As I write this, the Centre still hasn’t paid cash-strapped states GST arrears for months! There is a growing fear that GST will turn out to be the sole property of the Centre like the PM Cares Fund, and will be spent on buying fancy planes, politicians from rival parties, new houses, designer wear, cosmetic surgery, even more PR—oh, all the usual things our chap likes.

Seven Opposition chief ministers participated in a video conference (called by Congress President Sonia Gandhi) to talk about this issue, among others. The BJP’s grievous assault on India’s federal structure was discussed in some detail, with India’s best street fighters (the TMC’s Mamata Banerji and the Shiv Sena’s Uddhav Thackeray) spitting fire. The mood of the meeting can be summed up by Thackeray: “Darna hai, ki ladna hai” (To fear them, or fight them).

Oh, I do hope they fight it out! What the country needs now is hope, and a good fight will shake us out of our stupor. Remember that issues over taxes have sparked off the most successful rebellions in the world. Take the Boston Tea Party (1773) and the Dandi March (1930).

I would be quite happy to join and tunelessly warble “We shall overcome” at the top of my voice! (Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)

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