Pride Month: Identifying as a Queer individual has made me receptive to a lot of love

M.J. writes about her experience of self realisation and how it brings her a lot of love. But coming out for her will be hard because being religious could bring about some rejection and backlash

Representative image (getty images)
Representative image (getty images)

M.J

Right from when I was 11, I always thought women were like great goddesses who were absolutely beautiful and bedazzling. But somehow, I didn’t quite understand what it was that I felt. I do remember giving a thought, but I quickly put it away because how “unnatural” and “weird” it would feel to others; to whom i would express my emotions.

My life changed when I got into college. I was dating a guy whom I was very much in love with and we were definitely very serious about each other. It had been two months since I had gotten into college and was beginning to get to know people who openly came out to me as gay. I cannot express how liberating that felt. It did something to me. After a couple of weeks of knowing some people from the community, I came out to my friend. She was very excited. I came out to my boyfriend a couple of months later. He wasn’t very comfortable with my ‘new’ identity. It took him some time to understand everything but eventually, we stopped talking about it because for us, we had started to plan our future together.

He eventually broke up with me. It was the hardest break up that I had gone through. But it was also a blessing in disguise. I had finally found my freedom to explore and to figure out who I really was.

After nearly a year since the breakup and a lot of exploring in between, I met my first girlfriend. This was when I had actually stopped looking for someone. But a month after meeting my girl, she asked me to be hers. I hadn’t felt so special and wanted in a long time. We were in a long distance relationship for the first four months until she moved to Delhi for work. I haven’t been this happy and secure in a relationship before. I can’t wait till the day when I ask her to be mine forever.

Since I’m from a Catholic Family, I am aware that I may have to go through a lot of rejection and backlash when I decide to come out. But with the amount of love that I have around, I know I will be just alright. Because Jesus teaches me about love and that’s exactly what I will be giving.

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