Trump the self-appointed war-stopper makes fresh Nobel pitch

US President Donald Trump has once again put himself forward as the world’s ultimate peacemaker, insisting he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for what he says is his unparalleled record of stopping major wars — sometimes with nothing more than charm, leverage, and a really good phone call.

Speaking at the White House, Trump claimed he “settled eight wars” that had been dragging on for decades. “Big ones”, he said, some going on for “36 years, 32 years, 31 years… you get the idea”.

He also — for the gazillionth time — claimed to have nipped a looming India-Pakistan conflict in the bud, noting that “already eight jets were shot out of the air” before he swooped in to save the day. And yes, he did it without using nuclear weapons — because that’s how superheroes operate.

Trump described his interventions as humanitarian miracles, saving “tens of millions of lives”, and insisted that other world leaders had nothing on him. Former US President Barack Obama, he said, “got the Nobel Prize almost immediately and did nothing. Still has no idea why”. Meanwhile, Trump joked that in a perfect world, every leader who stopped a war should automatically get a Nobel.

Even Russian President Vladimir Putin, Trump claims, called him in awe, reportedly saying he had tried for 10 years to stop a couple of wars — without success. “He couldn’t believe it,” Trump said.

Indian officials, meanwhile, have repeatedly stated that there was no third-party mediation in their recent ceasefire with Pakistan, undercutting Trump’s claims of diplomatic wizardry. Pakistan’s foreign minister also confirmed that New Delhi did not request any external intervention.

But Trump shrugged off such minor details. “I don’t care about recognition,” he said. “I care about saving lives. And stopping nukes. And, you know, being awesome.”

Brilliant deterrence, clever diplomacy, and heroic life-saving, casting himself as the world’s peacekeeping rockstar — whether the world asked for it or not.

With IANS inputs